I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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