He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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