is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
