24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
