nut hugger
Someone shit on the floor
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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