the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
