I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
