i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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