oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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