I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
