accomplished twins. life is a go
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
