I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
