It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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