Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
