I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
please come you make the beer taste better
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize