just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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