i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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