He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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