Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize