Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
