come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
