nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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