i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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