There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
