wanna go halves on a baby?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
