If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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