U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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