I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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