I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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