So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
