Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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