I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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