Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
