I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
