My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
