i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
