Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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