you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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