The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
