You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
