what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
