Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
