I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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