yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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