so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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