You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
