dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
