hotel room ftw
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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