dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
