hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
