i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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