Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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