ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
