I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
