got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
