Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
