Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
