You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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