There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
