I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
