If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
