Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
