I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm just crazy horny about you
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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