You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
