The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
